this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
