I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
