Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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