question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
