Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
