I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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