Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Two words: nipple clamps
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