what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
