i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
