Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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