So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
