Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
