do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
