i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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