Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
