dude i'm inner monologue high
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
