i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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