You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
