At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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