its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
