So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
