I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
