I hate all girls vehemently.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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