I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
