I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
