yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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