i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
