4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
