Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
