I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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