so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
