Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
