i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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