the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
