Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
