I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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