We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
