And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
