dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
