my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
