I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
