Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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