Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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