Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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