I love having hate sex.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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