I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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