I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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