Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
