it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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