I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
