if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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