Someone shit on the floor
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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