Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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