Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
